Welcome to Delhi.

Get Smart, Kung Fu Panda, and The Forbidden Kingdom were the movies that played on the flight to Delhi which arrived at 2am on Sunday the 12th October. Coming out of the airport we immediately noted the general grime, the heat and bustle (even at 2am), and that our driver was stoned. We meandered to the hotel in a minivan/lunchbox that I estimate still sported at least 40% of its original function. We arrived at the hotel at about 4am.

I’d read many horror stories of the shady practice and scams that tourists are regularly subjected to in Indian hotels and was prepared for anything. But the check in was painless and the room Spartan but not entirely disgusting. I considered this a win.

Our next win came when, having freshly withdrawn our currency, the smallest denomination that I had with which to tip the hotel porter was 100 rupees. Pained, I did. His face lit with something like appreciation and he immediately offered, “Wait, wait. Air conditioning not working. Wait.” He scurried off to another room on the same floor then reemerged to flick switches on our wall unit, “See, now works!” Thank you… I think. I also got some ‘bonus’ toilet paper out of that tip for ‘no money, no money’.

Little did I know that this would be our last win in India for some days.

We were staying in an area of Delhi called Parharganj. I went for what I intended to be a stroll when I got up at around 7am. What I was faced with was somewhat overwhelming, and I hadn’t walked more than 30 meters when I revised my ‘stroll’ to a ‘mission’. I was to get to the end of the street (300 meters), purchase water, and get back to the hotel, stat. Stray dogs, ‘sacred’ cows, unidentifiable fluids in ditches and in the dirt gutters, curiously unpleasant odours, rubble laden streets and a film of dirt covered all. The street was already active, but dominated by folk who did not seem so active. It was quite apparent that every one of them was Indian, and I was not. So I had their full attention. The irony was that for once in my life I truly *was* the centre of attention… and I didn’t like it.

I tried to look casual and comfortable about it all, I don’t know how I went at that, but I did complete the mission, and in pretty good time too.

When Sue got up I worded her up. We had read up on what to expect in India; of the hotels, the streets, the squalor, the scammers and touts. But clearly we were still not fully prepared. We left the hotel and within 5 minutes had fallen for a scam; one that would occupy the rest of our stay in India. Who knew that con artists would be such nice guys??